April Fool’s Day is tomorrow, April 1st. It’s an annual “holiday” when humor reigns, and pranks and practical jokes are expected and allowed.
Computers are a great medium for April Fool’s jokers because most users have no clue what goes on behind those blinking computer lights. So when a hapless user is hit with a computer prank, they immediately suspect a virus or worse.
Three contractors were bidding to fix a broken fence at the U.S. Capital. The first contractor told the Congressman, “I figure the job will run about $900. That’s $400 for materials, $400 for my crew, and $100 profit for me.”
The second contractor announced, “I can do this job for $700. That’s $300 for materials, $300 for my crew, and $100 profit for me.”
The third contractor leaned over to the Congressman and whispered, “$2700.”
The incredulous lawmaker asked him, “How did you come up with such a high figure?”
The contractor smiled and said, “$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the second guy to fix the fence.”
A local newspaper reports that a hole has been found in the wall at a nudist camp. The police are looking into it.
From a quiz show segment on the Tim Kelly Show in Dublin, Ireland:
Radio Host Tim Kelly: What birthday does a bicentennial celebrate?
Contestant: Um…
Kelly: I’ll give you a hint. Centennial is one, and bi means two.
Contestant: 102?
Microsoft announced plans to open its own chain of branded stores to catch up with rival Apple and its successful foray into retailing. Microsoft did not reveal how many stores it planned to open, when they would open, or which products it would sell in the stores.
A little humor on the subject by Jimmy Fallon:
“Despite the recession, Microsoft is planning to open stores to compete with Apple. The Microsoft stores will be just like the Apple stores, except the staff will freeze when you ask them any questions.”
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."
2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that’s why."
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you’re not going to the store with me."
(Warning: Mature themes)
Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, “Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?”
The birch says he cannot tell. Just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling.
The birch says, “Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?”
The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree and replies, “It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. It is, however, the best piece of Ash I have ever put my pecker in.”
Amazing what a little alcohol can do…
On a Southwest Airlines flight from Dallas to San Antonio on March 2, 2009, an eager flight attendant rapped the typical safety spiel, making for an entertaining flight.
The Canadian police do their best to catch a suspected criminal, and the criminals do their best to get away.
