A blonde and her husband are lying in bed, unable to fall asleep because a dog has been barking in their neighbor’s backyard for hours.
The blonde jumps out of bed and says, “I’ve had enough of this!” and goes downstairs.
The blonde returns to bed after a few minutes with a smile on her face. So her husband asks, “The neighbor’s dog is still barking. What have you been doing?”
The blonde replies, “I put their dog in OUR backyard. Let’s see how THEY like it!”
A little boy goes to his father and asks, “Daddy, how was I born?”
The father answers:
Well, son, I guess one day you will find out anyway! Your Mom and I first met in a chat room on Yahoo. We really hit it off, so I set up a date with your Mom via email. Our first date was at a cyber cafe. We snuck into a secluded room and googled each other. Then your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little pop-up appeared that said:
“You’ve got MALE!”
Photo by Erin Lee, used under license
Socks are only for bowling.
Anything under 70 degrees is chilly.
You know that anything under a Category 3 hurricane just isn’t worth waking up for.
You dread lovebug season.
You’re younger than thirty, but some of your friends are over 65.
You never use an umbrella because the rain will be over in five minutes.
Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.
Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flours.
Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, he still was a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions.
Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, three children — John Dough, Jane Dough and Dosey Dough — plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart.
The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.
