A funny but sad video from the Second City Network about our favorite oil company: British Petroleum. By the way, regarding the mess in the Gulf… it’s payback for America seceding from the British empire.
The Cincinnati mayor throws perhaps the worst “first pitch” in baseball history:
Three contractors were bidding to fix a broken fence at the U.S. Capital. The first contractor told the Congressman, “I figure the job will run about $900. That’s $400 for materials, $400 for my crew, and $100 profit for me.”
The second contractor announced, “I can do this job for $700. That’s $300 for materials, $300 for my crew, and $100 profit for me.”
The third contractor leaned over to the Congressman and whispered, “$2700.”
The incredulous lawmaker asked him, “How did you come up with such a high figure?”
The contractor smiled and said, “$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the second guy to fix the fence.”
John Smith started the day early having set his alarm clock (MADE IN JAPAN) for 6 a.m. While his coffee pot (MADE IN CHINA) was perking, he shaved with his electric razor (MADE IN HONG KONG). He put on a dress shirt (MADE IN SRI LANKA), designer jeans (MADE IN SINGAPORE) and tennis shoes (MADE IN KOREA). After cooking his breakfast in his new electric skillet (MADE IN INDIA) he sat down with his calculator (MADE IN MEXICO) to see how much he could spend today. After setting his watch (MADE IN TAIWAN) to the radio (MADE IN INDIA) he got in his car (MADE IN GERMANY) filled it with gas (DRILLED IN SAUDI ARABIA) and continued his search for a good paying American job.
At the end of yet another discouraging and fruitless day checking his computer (MADE IN MALAYSIA), Joe decided to relax for a while. He put on his sandals (MADE IN BRAZIL) poured himself a glass of wine (MADE IN FRANCE) and turned on his TV (MADE IN INDONESIA). Then he sat down and then wondered why he can’t find a good paying job in AMERICA.
From Jay Leno on The Tonight Show:
Because of the bad economy, the divorce rate is down. The failing economy is causing couples to stay together. They can’t afford to break up.
That’s good news, guys. Not only have you lost half your money, you’ve still got the wife!
From Late Night with Conan O’Brien:
Toyota is developing a miniature environmentally-friendly car that’s powered entirely by a rechargeable battery.
Meanwhile, Detroit is still hard at work on an SUV that runs on rainforest trees and panda blood.
From Jay Leno on The Tonight Show:
Congress says this week that they are looking into the Bernie Madoff scandal.
So the guy that made $50 billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $750 billion disappear.
That should work out well! NOT!
