The IRS decided to audit Grandpa and summoned him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.
The auditor started, “Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I’m not sure the IRS finds that believable.”
“I’m a great gambler, and I can prove it,” replied Grandpa. “How about a demonstration?”
The auditor pondered for a moment and said, “Okay, go ahead.”
Grandpa said, “I’ll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.”
The auditor thought for a moment and said, “It’s a bet.”
Grandpa removed his glass eye and bit it. The auditor’s jaw dropped.
Then Grandpa said, “Now, I’ll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.”
The auditor could tell that Grandpa wasn’t blind, so he took the bet.
Grandpa then removed his dentures and used them to bite his good eye.
The stunned auditor realized he had wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa’s attorney as a witness. He started to get nervous.
Sensing the auditor’s distress, Grandpa proposed a third bet. “Want to go double or nothing? I’ll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.”
Twice burned, the auditor was cautious, but he looked carefully and decided there’s absolutely no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agreed again.
Grandpa stood beside the auditor’s desk and unzipped his pants. And although he strained mightily and gave it his best shot, Grandpa couldn’t make his stream reach the wastebasket on the other side. As a result, Grandpa ended up peeing all over the auditor’s desk.
The auditor leapt with joy, realizing that he had just turned a major loss into a huge win.
But Grandpa’s own attorney moaned and dropped his head into his hands.
“Are you okay?” the IRS auditor asked Grandpa’s attorney.
“Not really,” said the attorney. “This morning, when Grandpa told me he’d been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and piss all over your desk, and that you’d be happy about it!”
